Not So Thankful. Right, Mr. White Goldfish?

It's Thanksgiving today (forced smile) and I could care less. Well, actually, I used to care. When I was younger, I enjoyed Thanksgiving, I enjoyed the essence of having a grand feast with family members, and friends. Going to school, and having art assignments to celebrate the turkey and the pilgrims. But once my brain started to understand and know why we celebrate Thanksgiving -- I neglected it and it's inhumane selfishness of consuming of turkeys. There's a turkey baking in my oven right now, although, it's not me who placed it in. I would, if I could, tried to sabotage my families turkey, and if I could, I would tried to save the turkey before it ended inside the oven.

I used to eat meat, I used to dine on turkey on Thanksgiving, but one day, there was a part of me that clicked and I decided to stop consuming meat. My father is a butcher, I have tasted all kinds of meats growing up. I grew out of it -- not from it's taste, nor by it's texture, but because of the suffering that is present during it's life and near the end of it's life before it's slaughtered. My father took me to witness a slaughtering factory when I was a little boy at a IBP meat packaging distribution. Unaware, of what was going to happen, I witness the horror animals endure before the slaughter. Calves removed from their mother, lined up in a fence and forced to enter a gray discolored building. I witness some cows trying turn around and escape from their impending doom -- they sensed and could listen that death was approaching from a screaming cow few feet away. As a young kid to be placed in this scenario, I was dumbstruck and curious, but if I would have known of the horror I was about to see, I would have chossen not to. It's chilling to the core, to see a helpless animal trying to survive, knowing it's about to be killed. Animals are mistreated, un-respected, and ripped away from the simplest essence of life. The sight of a cow, or any animal (even humans) gasping for air and life after it's been decapitated is heartbreaking. You probably don't understand how I feel, but for some time, I also felt defenseless, waiting for someone to help me live.

There was a time in my life, when I was extremely depressed -- suicidal for many years. I was knee deep in a maelstrom of self hating, self abusing, and incompetent for me to survive. I needed help, I asked for help, yet, the few people I told, pointed and laugh -- accusing me of being pathetic -- I felt pathetic. No one was there, but this white goldfish, who I would talk to. Its sounds absurd, but he was there for me when others avoided me. I was isolated, smothering myself in self loathing and hatred. Like my goldfish, I felt trapped, helpless, and neglected by life -- a feeling of being alone in a tank full fish and life. Unlike my goldfish, I could change... and I did. My goldfish, as crazy as it sounds helped me, and I made an oath -- made the a decision that has forever changed me... I became vegetarian -- it healed me. I favored saving myself by trying to save helpless, defenseless animals, in a pseudo synchronization of preserving my life by not taking other beings life (not killing animals). Death to the living is unavoidable, but it could be reinforced with optimism of understanding the importance of living, especially, when you are on the edge of taking your own life.


Even though, I don't understand why many people place Thanksgiving on a pedestal, since they are unaware of the cruelty/suffering and injustice turkeys suffer. And yet, Most don't even know the true definition of why we celebrate Thanksgiving. I don't disrespect others for their feasting or celebration -- it's just not for me.

P.S. My goldfish is still alive after so many years. Thank You

Mark Wahlberg and the Uncharted Nathan Drake

Are you sitting next to your loaded shotgun? Well, your about to use it. Sad news today, in a effort to mesh-out films adaptations from video games, the Uncharted series is making into the big screen. Yeah, Uncharted... if playing this cinematic game was not satisfying to you because were not enjoy it with popcorn, well your luck... sorta. It seems that Mark Wahlberg announced, that he will be playing the role of Nathan Drake. Who is Nathan Drake you say? Meh, he's like the male version of Laura Croft, whatever.

But here's the sad news, remember that 2008 film Max Payne (how could we forget) and how awful it was? Well, this is the path Uncharted my also suffer from. Most video games to movies spiels sound good on paper, but never actually impact good quality or it's legit-ness to the game. There have been dozens of series that have made it to the big screen, and NEVER deliver the essence of experiencing/corralling to the game. I don't want to sound jaded, or alarmed of the fact that Uncharted is becoming a movie, is just that I don't trust the transitions, because most films that are based on video games are epic fails and are very disappointing to us gamers. I had high hopes for Prince of Percia, and many other, but I end up face-palming throughout the film.

Well, don't use shotgun just yet, maybe this movie will be a work of masterpiece us gamers want from an adaption. It might be epic in all it's rock climbing grandeur, and it might even come out in 3D (Gawd, I hope not). Who knows? But if Nathan Drake appears in a scene wearing nothing but Calving Klein whittie tightis, than count me in.

[pic courtesy from Joystiq.com]

Friendship Bob-Omb !

The most uninteresting thing happen today, involving a friend who, out of the blue, had a semi meltdown; involving a personal matter of which we all share -- friendship. Before I start rambling about "friendship," let me tell you a quick personal story. I, myself, am a "friendship" typed of person. I love having friends, homies, girls, aquitances, what ever you call it.  I personally believe, that having a good friendship with people who (who you know more then 10 years) is a must, regardless of past experiencess you shared. However, I don't count the whole frienemies conjuncture to be quite legit in labeling a friendship. Simply because, negativity in a friendship should not be the core reactor for it's an impending meltdown. Anyways... yes, my friend had a quid-pro-quo a meltdown -- an odd one at that. An inconvenient meltdown, sorta like when Darth Vader reviles to Luke he's his father, when hes holding on to dear life of a deadly edge (thanks dad, but now?).

I sat their, listening to her, semi crying about friends. I drank from my vodka, and self-consciously, "no, not now." It's not that I didn't want to listen to her,  it's just that... let's not talk about "it" now, since it's a buzz kill. Listen, I'm not a prune -- at ALL. I personally prefer if she would open up to me on a more coherent basis. I understand her frustration, since I have have felt the same way involving friends. I miss my friends, even though, I can get a hold of them quick -- the context for friendship is what I miss, and in all honesty, who wouldn't. I mean friends, built you, help you, guide you, correlate with you, and/or betray you. But the emphasizes of growing up (and this is just me) is to know that you have/d friends, and continue to be friends with who ever, because you have shared a connection in exchanging information (life, goals, laughter... etc) as long as you want, and are aware of each other personality. But you should also have a wall up, in case the friendship reactor blows up. To put it simply, you should know the type of friends you have, and who you can label a true friend. I have many friends, but not all of them are at par. Individuals in a  luke warm friendship need to grow out, it's healthy too.   

Well...here's the thing, we were all chilling, laughing, minding our own business, and then to be suddenly bob-omb dropped was quite the buzz kill. I agree with Luke -- jump off the effing receiver antenna... or in my case, keep drinking. My friend is alright, she just had to say a few things. I buzzed listened, and told her that eventually, things come to an end. In this case a friendship bob-omb.

30 gigs of memory

Wow, this morning I woke up at 9am, I logged on to my PC, and I had to re-sync my iPod because most of my music is scattered. While I was editing my music, I found myself back in time; listening to music I have not heard in a long time. As I listened to each track, I was ported back in time to the moment I fell in love with the/a song. Listening to music brings back so many bitter-sweet memories, and allows you understand the concept of appreciating your past; no matter how you have lived it. 

It's palpable how 30 seconds of playing a track; your reliving, oppressing/accepting, rekindling, and maybe forgetting a person, place or thing as the song plays. Currently, my iPod is still syncing, and I'm longing my nostalgic memories.

I sorta miss, that moment in time when this MP3 meant to me.