Not So Thankful. Right, Mr. White Goldfish?

It's Thanksgiving today (forced smile) and I could care less. Well, actually, I used to care. When I was younger, I enjoyed Thanksgiving, I enjoyed the essence of having a grand feast with family members, and friends. Going to school, and having art assignments to celebrate the turkey and the pilgrims. But once my brain started to understand and know why we celebrate Thanksgiving -- I neglected it and it's inhumane selfishness of consuming of turkeys. There's a turkey baking in my oven right now, although, it's not me who placed it in. I would, if I could, tried to sabotage my families turkey, and if I could, I would tried to save the turkey before it ended inside the oven.

I used to eat meat, I used to dine on turkey on Thanksgiving, but one day, there was a part of me that clicked and I decided to stop consuming meat. My father is a butcher, I have tasted all kinds of meats growing up. I grew out of it -- not from it's taste, nor by it's texture, but because of the suffering that is present during it's life and near the end of it's life before it's slaughtered. My father took me to witness a slaughtering factory when I was a little boy at a IBP meat packaging distribution. Unaware, of what was going to happen, I witness the horror animals endure before the slaughter. Calves removed from their mother, lined up in a fence and forced to enter a gray discolored building. I witness some cows trying turn around and escape from their impending doom -- they sensed and could listen that death was approaching from a screaming cow few feet away. As a young kid to be placed in this scenario, I was dumbstruck and curious, but if I would have known of the horror I was about to see, I would have chossen not to. It's chilling to the core, to see a helpless animal trying to survive, knowing it's about to be killed. Animals are mistreated, un-respected, and ripped away from the simplest essence of life. The sight of a cow, or any animal (even humans) gasping for air and life after it's been decapitated is heartbreaking. You probably don't understand how I feel, but for some time, I also felt defenseless, waiting for someone to help me live.

There was a time in my life, when I was extremely depressed -- suicidal for many years. I was knee deep in a maelstrom of self hating, self abusing, and incompetent for me to survive. I needed help, I asked for help, yet, the few people I told, pointed and laugh -- accusing me of being pathetic -- I felt pathetic. No one was there, but this white goldfish, who I would talk to. Its sounds absurd, but he was there for me when others avoided me. I was isolated, smothering myself in self loathing and hatred. Like my goldfish, I felt trapped, helpless, and neglected by life -- a feeling of being alone in a tank full fish and life. Unlike my goldfish, I could change... and I did. My goldfish, as crazy as it sounds helped me, and I made an oath -- made the a decision that has forever changed me... I became vegetarian -- it healed me. I favored saving myself by trying to save helpless, defenseless animals, in a pseudo synchronization of preserving my life by not taking other beings life (not killing animals). Death to the living is unavoidable, but it could be reinforced with optimism of understanding the importance of living, especially, when you are on the edge of taking your own life.


Even though, I don't understand why many people place Thanksgiving on a pedestal, since they are unaware of the cruelty/suffering and injustice turkeys suffer. And yet, Most don't even know the true definition of why we celebrate Thanksgiving. I don't disrespect others for their feasting or celebration -- it's just not for me.

P.S. My goldfish is still alive after so many years. Thank You